Wednesday, February 04, 2009

How We Were Lead To Adoption...Our Story

Let me try to summarize this into a short story instead of a novel! LOL!!
Shane and I were married in 2002. In December 2003 I wrapped a proposal to start our family up in about 15 individual boxes one inside the other. The note inside read "Are you ready to start our family?" It was a very romantic Christmas Eve and what better way to spend it than to dream of our future.

We thought it would be fun to not tell anyone until it was official and just for the "shock factor" of it all. I was thinking up fun ways to tell them, like having them all over for a meal and cooking baby back ribs, baby potatoes and baby carrots to hint our big news to them. Month after month passed and nothing happening the "shock factor" was pointing in the opposite was pointing directly back at us. For two years we was the best two years of my husbands life!! LOL, he didn't complain even once! OK OK! I know you didn't need to hear that.

Ok , seriously though some months I would be so stressed about it that my "monthly visitor" would be almost a week late...I bought a pregnancy test for every day I was late which cost me bloody fortune!!

I was on a forum for "TTC" Trying To Conceive" and they listed a few things to try, I did the cycle check, I did the temperature chart, I was willing to try fertility drugs or anything. Finally we went to the doctor and he had tested each of us. Shane's came back fine. The Dr. booked me in for a sonogram in February 2005. It didn't tell them much, everything looked like it was perfectly in place, and it was, but with a sonogram they could only tell me everything was where it was supposed to be and nothing looked abnormal.

My Dr. got in contact with a specialist who then booked me for a laproscopy for March 4th. I was a little nervous about having this done, basically they put a small incision on your left side and one above your belly button and pump you up with Co2 then they stick two little tiny cameras in the incisions so they can have a better look around...they put you "out" to do this and because I can get sick on anesthetic I asked them to add gravol to my drip. I figured they must hang you upside down from the ceiling by the ankles I swear cause I was so sore and groggy after all was said and done! Back in the recovery room after I had "come to" the specialist came over told us things didn't look great. My tubes appeared to be very scarred and possibly blocked and that we should consider invetro. He made arrangements for another test (hystrosalphyograph (dye test)) to be done to prove his theory that my tubes were 100% blocked.

While he stood at the end of my hospital bed with that stone cold steal look on his face. I felt totally emotionally and physically violated because he didn't even give me a speck of hope or compassion.

We came home. I shamefully went to my bedroom with painkillers in hand to hibernate for what would be the next three days.

I tried to hold on to a tiny bit of hope that this "dye test" could prove the specialist wrong. I didn't feel like much of a woman for those three days. I felt like I let my husband down. Our plan to surprise our family backfired so we broke down and told them the dilemma we were being faced with because we needed all the support we could muster up.

I went back on my TTC forum and one lady said to try Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) so I looked into it but figured I would exhaust all other options with my specialist first. April 26, 2005 I had my HSG (dye Test) where the Dr. inserted a dye into my uterus to see if it would freely flow threw my tubes.....well.... it didn't and for good measure he pushed with all his might until I thought my pelvis was going to hit the ceiling!!! I watched on the monitor and the dye drained out along with the only ounce of hope I was hanging on to so desperately.....the Dr. walked out, the nurse handed me a towel and pointed me to the room where my belongings were....nothing said except to call the specialist and book an appointment with him, my husband and myself........I came home, grabbed a piece of paper and started writing out all the questions I wanted to ask cause I knew if I didn't, I would forget everything once I got into his office and become emotional.

One day while no one was in the kitchen around me or the computer I googled adoption....I needed to explore this option and know a little about it to give me hope that our family would be knit together one way or another. My family Dr. told us she would be leaving her practice, we had become pretty close and she knew my hearts cry for children so she pulled one last string before she left and booked me with another specialist from another city for a second opinion. I had a consultation with her and she wanted to do the HSG (DIE test!!!) again (yup the near pelvis on ceiling encore episode) to have a look for herself, she thought if there was even a bit flowing that we may possibly be able to trim away some of the tube and create a bit of a window in at least one of the tubes. I went to that appointment which was not nearly as unpleasant but was disappointed to find out there was no possible way other than Invetro Fertilization.

Shane and I had a long talk about the percentage of success and the cost. Something by then had already happened in my heart from being on the adoption websites but I didn't want to impose this on Shane until I knew where his heart was on it. I waited it out and finally one day in July I asked him to search his heart and tell me what he thought of invetro vs adoption, I told him I didn't want him to look to me to see which I was thinking of I wanted us to search our own heart then come together and discuss our choices together and decide from there. I told him to take as much time as he needed.

On August 12, 2005 he sat me down and asked me what I thought of adoption, he said that was his choice. I was overjoyed!!! That was when our new journey began. We talked non stop about adoption after that, we rented videos, went on web sites ect. We found a social worker and on November 2005 we had our first homestudy meeting. So that's our story of how we made it to the decision to adopt from China. I know in my heart it was not by sheer coincidence but rather a destiny set out for us. We haven't looked back since.


Isabella's Mommy and Daddy said...

LOVE this post..
You will have your family complete soon..
love ya girly..

OH MY #6 said...

I it is nice to get to know you a little better with this story. You are so close. i can't wait to see you go.


Shionge said...

Oh Debz I can empathize with you on those tests that you have gone through...Big Hugz.

Thanks for sharing this journey and it is great that Shane is into this with you.

I wish you well and can't wait to see your family complete :D

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

Thanks for sharing your story....we were all drawn to this path for one reason or another and I always enjoy hearing the stories behind it. So sorry that you had to endure all that pain, but one day soon you will see that beautiful face. Keep the faith my friend:)


Shannon said...

You really traveled quite the road to find where you were going! This post had me feeling all sorts of emotions, laughter (your hubbie not complaining about "trying"), cringing with pain (doctor visits), and both sadness and happiness at why and how you came to your decision. Your day, and your daughter, will come. I'll be here to celebrate with you both! =)

3D said...

What a story of strength, love and courage. A great one to tell your daughter one day.

Keep smilin!

Lesa said...

It is going to come true for you.
Thank you for sharing this story. I feel I know you even more now.
Once you have your daughter this time will all melt away.
I have to keep reminding myself of this as well. But is it is true.

I don't know what I would do without our Wendy. I think I would be even crazier than I am now in this long wait.

Hugs to you both.

Polar Bear said...

Our stories are very, VERY similar, up to your procedures. (I had different issues.) I never hung from my ankles ~ ouch! :o) It is amazing how we all arrived at this point for so many different reasons. I can't wait until the day ALL of our dreams come true!

a Tonggu Momma said...

I am so glad you shared your story. Isn't amazing the different journeys we take that all end up in the same place???

OziMum said...

I'm truly sorry, you had no luck conceiving... but the beautiful miracle, that will be your daughter, would never have happened, otherwise!

Thanks so much for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing your story. Our story is very much the same up to all the tests. For some reason I believe we were lead down a different path to our children. It is a slow and emotional journey but it will happen for us all. We just have to be strong and patient.
Have a great weekend!

Elisa ( FC Monsters) said...

So good of you to share your story.

Janet said...

Wow! Great story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kristy said...

Hey girlie, our stories are very similar , the only difference was my infertility treatment lasted for 5 years to no avail. Now after everything I went through emotionally,financially, physically and did I say emotionally I now know what God's plan was for me. He already had my children picked out for me.Just like he has yours too!!!

Love and blessings, Kristy

Briana's Mom said...

Reading your post brought back so many memories for me. I went through all those tests too. So uncomfortable. I did all the infertility treatments and nothing worked. I know why now...Briana was my future! I can't wait for your destiny to be fulfilled!

Alyson and Ford said...

Wonderful story! So glad for you both that your family is going to grow (sooner than later I hope).
Brought tears to my eyes!

Alyzabeth's Mommy